Boy, do we have a situation on our hands. Not sure where to start, but I'll try.
My oldest daughter has been in a pretty serious relationship with a guy for a little while now. Recently, they decided to move in together.
Not my ideal idea for an arrangement, but, she's an adult, and they are pretty serious, and talking about marriage.
Well, my parents have been helping her with her rent at her apartment at the university she is attending. This past weekend, we moved her to a different apartment, off campus (in a different city altogether), which is cheaper and bigger than the university apartments.
She was very honest and open with her grandparents about the living arrangements and all.
They essentially told her that they weren't going to send her any more money. It seems that there were some unknown "strings" attached to this "gift." First, they said it was with the understanding that she would stay on campus (we don't ever remember that being mentioned) and then that she would concentrate on her studies. We're still trying to figure out where the get that she isn't going to concentrate on her studies. She turned down a very lucrative full time job (making more than I do) to stay in school full time and not give up her scholarship.
The underlying reason for the stopping of the financial support was made clear in the explanation that was finally offered to her mother and me. They said that they had declined to help her provide total support for her boyfriend.
And the last line of the email that was sent to me had to do with praying that God would deliver her from the mess she has "fallen into."
That was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I responded to their email and pretty much blasted them to kingdom come. And I have never, ever responded to my parents in any way close to this before.
Her boyfriend is working. He has a full time job and is even volunteering for overtime on a weekly basis. He doesn't have transportation, this is true. But apparently, my parents have forgotten that, when my wife and I met, I did not have a car, had a part time job, was going to school, and was in debt up to my ears.
This guy is trying to make a life for himself after having been drug halfway across the country by a psychotic "friend," who turned out to be a liar and cheater when it comes to business practices. Some may remember an entry a while back that I would up deleting (at the request of my daughter) because of names that were included in it. Well that was the guy that her boyfriend came to Texas with. As a result of the other guy's conniving ways, her boyfriend wound up with basically nothing. No place to live, no transportation, no family, nothing. We have pretty much become his family here.
So my parents think that he's welching on my daughter and that she is totally supporting him.
My wife and I both believe that this is horribly wrong. We understand that my parents are a kind "old-fashioned" for lack of a better phrase. And nobody expected them to be totally supportive of this living arrangement. Heck, I'm not. But I'm not going to deny my daughter support because of it. Even if that were their primary reason for denying the support, I would have to question how they can take the moral high ground on this issue, when they consistently vote for political candidates who support abortion and stick cigars in places where they don't belong. They are the kind of democrats who would vote for Hitler if he ran as a democrat. I've never had much respect for their political views. Of course, I don't have much respect for my wife's father's views either. He's just as bad the other way.
Anyway...you seem my trouble. And a week before Father's Day, too. They have said that "sometimes lines have to be drawn." And then my dad quoted Martin Luther at me. Geez. "Here I stand," and all that rot. At least when Martin Luther said that, he was standing for the truth.
I told them that they had it all wrong, and let them know in no uncertain terms that we were pretty upset at their decision, not because of the money...it's not about the money at all. But their decision to draw their line in the place where they drew it, and potentially destroy a relationship that, to this point, had been pretty awesome.
The last thing I said to them was that, instead of praying for God to deliver our daughter, perhaps they should pray for God to draw her boyfriend closer to him through the grace and mercy shown to him by family members.
Yeah, I'm pretty hot over this. And I'm standing my ground, too. "Here I stand," indeed!! My wife and I are the Mama and Papa Bear, and someone has attacked our cub. I don't care if it is my parents. We both feel that they owe both our daughter and his boyfriend an apology.
And we really don't care whether or not they reinstate the financial support. Again...not the issue at all, here.
Oh, well...we shall see how it goes.