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An identity crisis (2003-07-07 - 4:27 p.m.)

As promised, here is the "spiritual" entry.

I'm kind of going through a bit of an identity crisis at the moment. I'm not, like, going "middle-aged crazy" or anything, so I'm not gonna run out and buy a new red Corvette and run off with a teen-age cheerleader or anything like that. I'm very content with my life the way it is, for the most part. I have a lovely, no, make that beautiful wife and two wonderful children. The discontent falls more into the category of the way I am, the way I find my self acting, and my lack of tolerance for other people. I am supposed to be a minister. There are certain things that go along with that territory. One of those is compassion for people, and I seem to find myself a bit lacking in that category. The experiences we had at the races Thursday night and the Cats game Friday night undergird that feeling. I found that I was just detesting people in large groups. So. I'm embarking on a journey. To find myself. Not really going anywere physically, but I am going on a "God-seeking" journey. That sounds kind of strange coming from one who purports to have already found God, I realize. But I am after a deeper intimacy, and won't stop at anything to grasp it. So bear with me if my entries start out being on the slightly morose and depressing side for a while. I don't expect this to be easy. As a matter of fact, Oswald Chambers's reading for today begins with this statement: "If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all noble things are difficult." (What a segue, eh??) He goes on to say that this difficulty should not make us faint, but rouse us to overcome. The Biblical text for this reading speaks of entering in the narrow gate. I believe that's what I'm doing today. I have entered in the narrow get to follow the straight and narrow passage.

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