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Love & Life (2004-02-21 - 10:00 p.m.)

I didnít record a journal yesterday, but I did finally get caught up in the Daily Bible readings. Yay! The sad thing about doing that is that I am probably not too cognizant of what I read.

We will probably be traveling to Mineral Wells later today to visit with my parents. My Grandmama is not doing too well. Health-wise, she seems to be okay, but mentally, she is slipping. We arenít sure what is wrong, but she seems to be going just a tad loony. There is speculation that this could be brought on by a urinary tract infection, but so far, there is no sign of it getting better. It seems that there is a mean, 15 year-old kid sitting outside her door, playing the guitar and singing, and he is either going to kill her or marry her. Earlier, she was also convinced that my Dad was going to divorce my mother and marry another woman. So far, I donít think that either of these things is true. I doubt that we will actually get to visit with her today. At least not the girls. I donít know if I will try or not. I love my Grandmama dearly, but I donít think I want to see her like this. To anyone who read this; if you pray, please pray for her. Her name is Halcie (thatís pronounced Hal-sea).

The reading for today in My Utmost for His Highest continues to drive home the truth that I really donít know how to love. Iíve talked about this before. The title of todayís reading is ďHave You Ever Been Carried Away for Him?Ē The first sentence says this: ďIf human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love.Ē He goes on to ask if we have ever been carried away to do something outrageous for God, not because we believe it to be our duty, but because we love Him. ďHave I ever produced in the heart of the Lord Jesus what Mary of Bethany produced?Ē Have we ever been abandoned to God? Do we realize that abandonment is more valuable to Him than personal holiness? Why do I say this? Because personal holiness always has the eye on self to see how one is walking and talking while abandonment casts out all of this. When we are abandoned to Him, He can work through us.

I am at the most tedious portion of the Daily Bible readings. How can I say that reading Godís Word can be tedious?? Because Iím reading Leviticus, thatís why. While there are some fascinating portions in the book, it is largely ceremonial law regarding uncleanness and sacrifices. But there are some amazing foreshadowings and typings about Jesus Christ in the book.

The ďQuestion to ConsiderĒ from chapter 4 of The Purpose Driven Life says, ďSince I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?Ē Unfortunately, there is probably not only ďone thingĒ that I should stop doing. I should stop thinking so much about stuff. I should stop worrying about how anything makes me feel. I should stop worrying about me, period. The thing that I should start doing is praying and witnessing. Oh, I do a little bit, here and there. But I mean really praying.

The life that we have is really more than just the few decades that we will have on the earth. We will have eternity to spend after this life. There are only two possible places to spend it. Heaven or hell. Itís all based on whether or not we believed in Jesus Christ. Frankly, after only four and a half decades, Iím a bit weary of this life. Donít get me wrong, I donít have a suicide wish. Iím just tired. Iím tired of the faults. Iím tired of the sickness of our society. Most of all, Iím tired of the temptation and sin.

This is an update from something written earlier. We did not, in fact, go to Mineral Wells today. Christi was so tired from working until midnight last night that I felt that we needed to stay home and rest. My mother said that Grandmama actually did a bit better yesterday.

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