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Suicide Is Not Painless (2005-03-30 - 5:36 p.m.)

I just read Augustdreams' entry about her friend that probably committed suicide. Linked from Rachel's diary from a couple days ago.

Suicide has got to be one of the most selfish things a person can do. When I was a junior in High School, my best friend put the barrel of a shotgun in his mouth and somehow managed to pull the trigger. Why? Because he got caught speeding the night before and got restricted to driving to and from school and work only. That's it.

He left behind a handful of friends that would have given their lives for him. He left behind a traumatized, totally confused group of friends who wondered what they could have done to prevent it. That's ultimately what happens to those who are left behind when someone selfishly takes their own life. We feel guilty. What happened? What could we have done? When were we not there for this person? How could we have not seen this coming?

A few years ago, a student at Richland High School smuggled a gun into the school and went into the restroom and blew his brains out. A person who does something like that has no regard whatsoever for anyone else's feelings or reactions. Except that they are probably after some kind of reaction, which is stupid, because they won't be around to observe it. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of students were affected by this action. A cry for attention? Perhaps, but kind of wasted, because what good is attention if you're not there to receive it?

The theme song of M*A*S*H is not true. Suicide is most definitely NOT painless.

30 years later, and I'm still feeling the pain of the suicide of Michael Ator. There are times when it's as if it just happened yesterday. It still hurts like hell.

Now, on the other side of this coin, those of us who live need to be more observant of those around us. A lot of suicides happen because the person thinks nobody cares. We all need to care a little more. Everyone matters. Everyone. Even people who call us names and hurt our feelings. Even a stupid action like that is, in its own way, a cry for help of some kind.

I'm rambling now, I know. Point is suicide hurts. It hurts bad, and, from my experience, it's not something you get over. Ever.

If you read this and are considering suicide, wake up, get over yourself, and go do something for someone else for a change.

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