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Review of "Underworld" (2003-09-27 - 12:12 p.m.)


How long has it been since I've been here?

Well, that's too long!

Or is it? Is this all just a waste of time? Do I ever even come back and read any of these? Is it all just vanity? Will this mosquito ever land so I can smush it?

Dang! Missed it!

Hold's cold.

Ok. Back with fresh coffee. Thanks for waiting.

Saw "Underworld" last night. So here's my review of it. Let me start out by saying that Rachel essentially hated the movie. And I'll give here this. It had some glaring problems.

First of all, it was a really, really LOUD movie! But that's not necessarily bad. The sound effects were pretty good. They have things all organized, now, like, for instance, you can hear bullet shells dropping on the floor over to your right and kind of behind you. "Sensurround!"

First problem we noticed? VAMPIRES WITH REFLECTIONS???? What's up with that??? I mean, granted we in our family have gained a lot of our vampire mythology from Buffy, and there are other ways of treating vampirism. But I don't know of ANY vamp mythology where vampires have REFLECTIONS! C'mon! I mean, it wouldn't have been so bad if they had at least EXPLAINED why their vampires had reflections!

Second problem. Why on earth are vampires and werewolves shooting at each other? Everyone knows that traditional guns don't kill either one! Now, the "lycans" had developed a special bullet that had "liquid light" in the tip. That one worked pretty well. But not all of them had that. Later, the vamps copied it with liquid silver nitrate. Pretty cool idea, that. And the effects were pretty good when that one worked, too. But still...what's with all the guns. This movie might have well as been about the "bloods" and the "crips."

The movie basically jumps right into the action with very little explanation as to why the vamps and wolves have been fighting for centuries. Fortunately, this is explained toward the end of the film, but still not very well. One thing I liked was the way the good guys/bad guys seem to flip-flop several times. I like it when a movie keeps me confused. Makes it less predictable. The main character, Celine (sp?), stays confused, too. She is the permanent "good guy."

Ok, here's the basic plot (I won't spoil it too much). It seems the wolves are after this human guy. Eventually we find out why, although Celine is racking her brains to understand, and she is the only vamp who seems to even care that the wolves are following a human. Kraven, her coven leader (do vamps have "covens??") doesn't care. But we find out why about him later.

The reason is that this human doctor guy, Michael Corvin, is a descendent of some uber-vamp-werewolf from centuries ago. The wolves are trying to create something really horrific, here.

The ending was really cool, I thought, with a good fight scene between...well, I won't tell you, okay? The music was very, very cool. I loved the soundtrack. Turns out that Maynard from Tool and Perfect Circle was involved with a lot of the songs, and guess what? Amy Lee from Evanescence was featured in one song. I don't think she sang any actual words. I think she just "ahhh"ed some melodic line. But she was in the credits anyway. How cool is that? Hehe...also in the end credits were about 20 "Attilas" and about half as many "Laszlos." What's up with that? Heehee...

It was dark. All the time. So be prepared for a really, really dark movie. Also, all the vampires ever did (except for the ones who fought all the time) *whap!!* Finally! Got the mosquito!

Sorry. Where was I? Oh, yeah. All the vampires did all the time was sit around, looking seductive, drinking glasses of blood, sitting on each other's laps and stuff like that. Don't they have a life?

Also....where the heck were the girl werewolves???? There weren't any!! That's just slightly impractical, if not totally impossible.

Bottom line. I liked the movie because it dealt with subject matter that I am an eternal fan of, that being vampires and werewolves. But it lacked a lot, and had some problems.

Therefore, I'll give it a B. Almost a B-. But everytime Kate Beckinsale jumped off a building and landed on her feet was just too cool. They needed to do that about 8 more times! Heheh...

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